Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Éireann go Brách

A few years ago I wrote an entry about the patron of my heritage land, Ireland: St. Patrick.

My feelings haven't changed much since 2005 and in some ways have become stronger. There are Irish on both sides of my family... so much so that my blood could very well be running green.

Husbang and I have retired for life to the West Coast of the U.S. to the only place that resembles our dear Eire, until we can retire from the daily grind to the land of our ancestors. Our hearts and souls still reside on that wild isle in the Atlantic.

That being said, St. Patrick's Day makes me a little melancholy. Sure, I love the fact that Ireland is being celebrated world wide, however this day in it's current incarnation is a recent invention.

Up until about 10 years ago St. Patricks Day in Ireland was widely celebrated with Mass in the morning followed up by 2 pints in the pub. A tradition that many Irish still adhere to with vigor. The leprechauns, rainbows, pots of gold and other "authentic" icons of Ireland are dismissed by the locals, much like breast implants in a gay bar.

Saint Patrick's Day is actually a religious feast which is celebrated on the day of his DEATH.

Mmmm.... let's examine this for a moment shall we?

There's this
dude, who was an escaped slave, that was admonished by visions of an angel to go back to Ireland and "save" the people from their evil Celtic ways. Which by the way included Brehon Laws; equal rights for all people including women (they could vote, own property, choose their own mates and serve as leaders, healers, judges and priests), divorce was legal, protection of children was prevalent, plus education and the arts were held in high regard.

So dear Paddy decides that these folks need some savin' and he goes over there to convert them all to Christianity. Hence the legend of driving the
snakes out of Ireland was born...as there never were snakes according to The Smithsonian Zoological Society.

So Paddy, he bargains with them and taking many of their Pagan celebrations and turns them into Christian ones. Can you say Christmas? He also has a blast blending Pagan rituals and icons right into the Christian ceremonies in order to make them more palatable for these "evil Pagans".

The Irish have always been a hospitable lot so they go along with it so as not to offend this man or maybe he just scared the shit out of them. After all he had been kidnapped, been a prisoner and held as a slave during his formative years. Please remember, psychiatric care had not yet been invented.

I can TOTALLY Imagine a scene like this going down:

Mick: Don't look.

Séamas: (turning around) Wha'?

Mick: Oh Sheit, ya had to look din'cha, ya dumb bastard. Now he's comin' over here.

Séamas: Aye, Christ, how was I supposed to know it was him?

Mick: Top 'o the mornin' to ya dar Patrick.

Patrick: (tipping his hat) Have ye found yerself wit Jaysus yet?

Mick: Aye, he's behind the couch, he's been dar the whole time, don'cha know.

And that was the beginning of the end of the true Irish-Celtic culture. All by being friendly they opened the door to England and the "trouble in the North".

So have you corned beef and cabbage and leprechauns and I''ll drown my sorrows in Colcannon and whiskey for bygone era of a just and equal society where women and children and men and the earth and all she provides were held sacred.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Better Parenting Through Technology

This is the BEST text message EVER (spelling and grammar retained for your pleasure):

Good morning, mom!
I just thought to tell you that I personally dont care that my eye pad on my glasses is missing. We can get it fixed at my eye appointment (when ever it may be) or on Friday when there is no school. Also, I was wondering why you are making such a big fuss? Its not like my glasses are going to disinigrate if we dont get it fixed right away. Thanks for listening!

~The Girl

Monday, March 08, 2010

Oscars are not for Grouches

When I was a kid I used to practice my acceptance speech.

"I'd like to thank all of the people who made this possible. Especially those of you who said I couldn't do this. Chuckled to yourself at my silly ambitions. Scoffed behind my back. Tonight I dedicate this to you because you need it more than I do. You need this because once you had a dream. But when someone chuckled, you listened. Someone scoffed and you believed them. This is for you, so you can start believing in yourself again."

I'm still rehearsing.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Things The Girl has said in the last few days that makes me love her even more:

"Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I don't know what you said was really inappropriate."

"Actually that looks more like a linoleum print...not a woodcut."

"Yes, I have 4 dresses on."

"You are so full of malarkey."

"I can't drink all that wine."

"No thanks, I don't want a tattoo today."

"You lose the bet, Mom. The Camp theme this year is NOT assisted suicide."

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Come Out Swinging

I'm at yet ANOTHER crossroad in my life... Sometimes I wish I could just be one of those people who says...

"Fuck it, I'm gonna let this thing take me and spend the rest of my days in a dark hole or at least in bed."

Unfortunately, that is a small part of me. There is a much bigger part that says back...

"Fuck you. We're coming out swinging. And you better get outta the way because this thing ain't gonna last forever. This isn't going to own me and neither are you."

Although it's exhausting knowing I have a tough road ahead, I feel compassion for the people in this world who have given up.

There is always someone out there dealing with more than you are...come out swinging.

Friday, February 05, 2010

A Flocking Flock

There was a recent debate on Facebook about what to call a group of Vagina's.

What in God's name spurned this debate you ask?

1. My friend Julie, who deserves no identity protection within these confines brought up the fact:

2. The shock-talk show Tara (seriously, you were a some what classy model) was going to have a special guest.

So Miss Tara had a guest on the show who has 2 Vagina's and Julie had to tell us all about it. My response: Big Deal...I have a whole flock.

Having directed the Vagina Monologues 9 times now a "Flock" is what I have come to call the women who have been collectively a part of the Sisterhood. I have, and belong to, a flock of Vagina's.

It has nothing to do with sheep, goats or llamas.
It has nothing to do with technology or NASCAR stock racing or the colored saw-dust they use to coat hill-sides of miniature train sets.

The term "flock" has E.V.E.R.Y. thing to do with getting your wings, being a self propelled entity, being part of a large group that cuts through resistance.

There is a certain grace seeing a flock in the air. Flying in formation, taking turns at the lead, falling back when one needs time to rest, just soaring on the wind...supporting each other along the journey.

A Flock.

Who wouldn't want that? Who doesn't need that in their lives?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Deal with the Devil

Boy (from the back seat): That's not funny Mom.

Me: What?

Boy: What you just twittered.

Me: Why isn't it funny?

Girl (from the front seat of the car...next to me): What did she say?

Boy: It's just not funny.

Me: But why? Because I Re-tweeted someone else? I gave them credit.

Girl: What'd SHE SAY?

Boy: It's just trite.

Me: Trite? Do you even know what that means?

Boy: Yes. I know what it means....

Me: Well you're not using it properly.

Boy: You just don't get it.

Girl (now with rage face): WHAT DID SHE SAAAAAAY!?!?!?

Boy: She retweeted Gary J Busey; "Isn't Pat Robertson that guy from the Twilight movies?"

Girl: That's not funny.

Me: Why the hell isn't it funny? Maybe YOU don't get it. Maybe Twilight ate the sense of humor part of your brain.

Girl: It's not funny because that's not his name. (Boy chimes in his agreement)

(Car is filled with Mexican-stand-off silence)

Me: (whipping out my "told ya so" ninja mom skills) Do you guys even know who Pat Robertson is?

Boy: There's a guy named Pat Robertson?

Girl: Who is that?

Me: He a televangelist who said the earthquake in Haiti was punishment for the people of Haiti making a pact with the Devil to free them from the French.

Girl: That's THE stupidest thing I've ever heard. If they made a pact with the devil certainly wouldn't be one of the poorest countries in the world.